How to begin to write a novel

Happy Friday beautiful people and uggos (I don’t want to exclude anyone). In case I’ve failed to mention it, I have been elbow-deep in my book-baby delivery. Raindropt – Your typical “girl meets gnome” story – will meet the world on March 7th.

I’ve seen her already, and though she’s still covered in goo and far too entitled despite her limited days on this planet, she’s a beaut. Just look at her:

I know I’m just the tiniest bit biased, but I think she’s just beautiful – inside and out.

Now, you may have had a few book babies of your own, and if so, I commend you. ‘Taintrain_ebook easy. ‘Taint.

The majority of you are likely witnessing your first ever book birth, and I’d like to give you a glimpse into the delivery room. No, not that end of the table. Pervs.

Anyways, you may be inclined to leave the room. The events you’ll witness could turn you off from ever wanting to sit down and pen your first book baby. Believe me when I say that’s far from my intent.

A book baby is your gift to the world, your legacy. If you have that itch to write then write you must. I thought it may be helpful if I shared how I actually came to sit down and write the book. I’ve written one book, so I think we can both agree there’s not a single person more fitting to dole out unsolicited advice.

I’ve covered just the first three stages of writing the book as I’ve come to know them. In another post, I’ll delve deeper. As a wise woman once said, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.” So here you are:

  1. Conception – This stage is also known as the “idea phase.” It’s so damn exciting. You have a framework of a story that’s so brilliant it’s set to be the greatest gift to
    Screen Shot 2016-02-26 at 2.22.55 p.m.
    Story idea! Wooot!

    literature since War and Peace. But even better because your story has a gnome. Relish in this stage, it doesn’t get more fun than this.You just need to make sure you’re not the only one who thinks it’s a good idea…

  2. Testing – You need to make sure there’s a market for your novel idea, because you’d hate to spend hours/months/years writing something that no one cares about. This consists of sharing your idea with anyone you can convince to give you forty-five seconds of his/her attention. What you’re looking for here is nothing more than affirmation. If it’s a funny idea, does he laugh? If it’s heartbreaking, do you get him to crease his forehead therefore neglecting his forehead wrinkle in casual disregard for vanity? If it’s a scary idea, does he say “you’re repulsive?” That’s what you want. Once you get that reaction, progress to stage two as fast as humanly possible. Sadly, a lot of great ideas don’t make it past this stage, so you have no time to waste…
  3. Planning – You’ve reached stage 3! Hurrah! You’ve decided to write, so you’ll need to get your house in order. Get the nursery ready, buy some supplies, baby-proof and whatnot. This stage isn’t so serious, you still have months to go before you really need to commit. Do some research, plan your intended plots, themes, foreshadowing, etc before you start. If you’re anything like me, this stage will take about four years for a full-length novel. Long gestation, amirite? You’ll emerge with a glorifed outline masquerading as a story.

So there you have it, the three stages behind actually sitting down and beginning to write a novel as I’ve come to know them. Next time, we’ll cover first draft, second and third drafts, editing and polishing. Funsies.

Enjoy the weekend y’all.

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