Well, I’ve tried to remain silent on the matter. I really have. I liken myself to Ron Burgundy after he first stormed Veronica Corningstone’s castle on his steed. I wanted to practice discretion, I honestly did. It’s no one’s business when it comes down to it, is it? We all have the people we are and who we portray on social media, and they rarely align. I guess I’ve just tired of leading a double life.

Alright, I’ll just tell you: I’ve reunited with Gym.

Now, listen, I don’t expect you to be supportive. I took a very firm stance back in November, at which time I drew a very grave comparison between Gym and prison. At the time, you all applauded my decision. “You are so much more courageous than we gave you credit for,” you said, and I just smiled and said, “Consider yourself forgiven. I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

The accolades washed over me back then, cleansing away the years of financial abuse I incurred as a result of Gym. I did not take the praise-laden shower in vain, friends. I made the declaration to signify my new start. I planned to lead a life unencumbered by the supposed charms of Gym and the high-end flings I’d have after previous trial separations.

I am the last person who thought I’d backslide not three months later.

I’m not here to justify my decision. We all know there are elements of my relationship with Gym that are healthy. Gym makes me happy, although you may claim that’s purely hormonal. It’s bigger than that, though. Gym makes me feel good about myself. There’s a certain pride in being seen on my way to meet Gym. I feel said pride even immediately after I’ve “stormed its castle on my steed,” if you will.

I guess, most importantly, I feel a sense of accomplishment after being with Gym. I struggle to feel that after more low intensity regimes, though that’s not to say I’m abandoning them in favor of Gym. These regimes each fulfill me in different ways. They have different functions in my life, and I don’t intend to drop anything in order to commit to Gym full time.

I suppose what I’m really saying is just this: I’m poly-fitness-amorous. Gym is a part of my life once more, but he’s not and will never be the only one. I find fulfillment only when he is part of my life, but I can’t be fully content unless there are others to break up the monotony of his company.

So, there you have it – I backslid. I regret nothing.