The bastardization of baked goods

There’s a sentiment I’ve been casually verbalizing for years. I always took note of the company I was in before voicing it, since I know the topic draws mixed opinions. I could accidentally tap into someone’s ideology and find myself on the receiving end of a moral justification, and, like, I’m really not into that. So I kept the thought to myself, for the most part.

Something changed today, though. Suddenly, just casually verbalizing the sentiment proved a bit too casual, like when people take your own affinity for self deprecating humor as license to just, like, castrate you in the company of others. Wayy too casual.

Anyways, I think ‘healthy’ baked goods are a complete waste of everyone’s time. Like, is nothing sacred? And, more importantly, who do we think we’re fooling? Why have I eaten beetroot brownies? Why did I once have kale chocolate chip cookies?!?! Honestly, I wish this concept was never born.

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Why would we purposely ruin something so perfect?

I’m so deeply offended by the idea of a ‘healthy’ baked good, even though I know it’s nothing new. We’ve all been unwilling parties to the systematic misuse of vegetables for the better part of a decade. We’ve witnessed the bastardization of baked goods over and over and over again, and yet we’ve done nothing to stop it. If anything, we’ve welcomed it. We’re all complicit in this.

And, listen, I don’t mean to dissuade people from making genuinely healthy choices. I flirt with healthy nuttiness myself. It’s no secret. I like to do some sort of exercise every day, and my refrigerator is like a full-on veggie orgy on the daily. When my husband is out of town and I’m left to my own devices, my go-to is a whole wheat pasta loaded up with vegetables. I get the desire to make healthy choices – believe me.

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Am I the only one moderately attracted to this selection? hummuna hummuna hummuna, am I right?

What I don’t get is the utter mindfuck of eating something indulgent and trying to pass it off as ‘healthy.’ We all fall for it – I’m no exception (see above – I ate beetroot brownies! Recently). I only today realized how self defeating it is, because 1. I don’t believe they’re actually any healthier than real baked goods, and 2. they taste much worse and/or they make you nauseous in ways baked goods would never do to you.

Anyways, I’m drawing a line in the sand as of now. I vow to never again bake with protein powder rather than flour in the hopes that I’m making healthier choices. I will continue to eat vegetables in savory dishes exclusively, and I will simultaneously bring the integrity back to baked goods. They both have a place in our diets, but, like, not in the same dish. Just, ugh.

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