I don’t want anyone to make a big deal out of this, but I used to have a famous neighbour. I’m not divulging this little known fact because I’m looking for any special treatment, because, please, I’m looking for that anyways. Now relax, nothing has changed about our dynamic. Even with what I’m about to say, rest assured that I’m just like you. I put my pants on two legs at a time, just like everyone else. “I’m real” like J-Lo in the late 90s.

Anyways, I allegedly lived down the street from Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins for close to two months in late 2006. I know, I’m like a psuedo-celebrity by proxy, right? It was somewhere in Chelsea, I want to say 15th street between 6th and 7th avenues. I say “allegedly” because even after lingering outside, peeping into the neon pink hued building and hoping to catch a glimpse of the mom from my favourite obscure indie film “Igby Goes Down,” she never once proved her existence. I’m convinced we shared a street, though, because I.need.this., ok? Just let me have it.

I’ve always felt a kindred spirit with Susan, mostly because there’s a high probability she went to the same Duane Reade as I did. She also played the most ridiculous fringe character on the best show of our time, “30 Rock,” since she knew I’d be watching. She even went so far as to open a bougie ping pong bar in New York that served rosemary parmesan flavoured popcorn. It’s like she could read my mind – that’s all I’ve ever wanted in life.

So, yeah, I thought Suze and I understood one another.

Or so I thought.

While perusing the news just now, I saw that my favourite abusive mom (seriously, go see”Igby”) is tearing it up at Burning Man this year. She’s 68 years old. And she’s at Burning Man. Whaa? Also, she’s wearing overalls.

Suze couldn’t have known this. Our connection has been a bit fuzzy since I moved abroad, understandably. But I literally said yesterday that music festivals make me feel old. Then I had another conversation when I admitted to being way too old to wear overalls. She’s more than twice my age and she did both less than a week ago. And she’s pulling both of them off. Damnit, I’m impressed.

To aging like Susan Sarandon.