Call me a traditionalist, but if someone has an issue with gender, race, religion, sexuality, cartography, dentistry etc, I’d prefer for her to be overt in her disapproval. There’s only so many hours in the day, and I just don’t have the time to decipher your anti-dentite comment. Do you have poor geography knowledge or are you overtly anti-cartographer? Just make a comment like “Goddamn map makers are completely useless. We get it – the earth is round and there’s 4 oceans. Go get a job in the 18th century,” and I’ll at least know where you stand.

You can imagine how frustrating I find it when my phone makes subtle anti-Semitic comments via autocorrect, of all places. At least have the nads and use Siri to verbally bash my religion.

Rather, my phone chooses to unleash it’s veiled anti-Semitism when I’m trying to map my way to Richview. Assuming I’m a self loathing Jew, it changed the word to “rich Jew.” I mean, it’s not an unfortunate stereotype as they go, but I sensed the resentment amongst the allegedly innocent autocorrect. I backspaced and attempted to type “Richview” again, to which my Aryan phone responded by autocorrecting as “rich UES,” a dig at the predominantly Jew-residing Upper East Side in Manhattan. Did it know that was my first home in New York several years back? Likely. It was probably keeping track of my whereabouts as you do with any perceived threat.

So now I have no choice but to live in fear of my ignorant anti-Semite of a phone, all the while cursing the goddamn useless cartographers who are behind Google Maps. My life is so hard.